i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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