I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
