Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
