I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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