Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
