After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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