He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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