I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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