When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
