It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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