Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
