I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
