The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
