Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Pooping to opera.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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