He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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