I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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