my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my shit smells like andre
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
