Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
