508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize