oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
