The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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