Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
