Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
