1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
