weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
