Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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