it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
