i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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