Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
