I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
