I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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