You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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