You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
