Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
