Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
