im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize