the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
