I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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