I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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