No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
