he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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