i don't like sucking hair
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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