Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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