He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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