Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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