Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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