At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
