So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
