nut hugger
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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