Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
