then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so that wasnt chicken after all
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
