Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
