After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
