Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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