"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
