Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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