Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
