I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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