So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well, you know. whores of a feather.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
