Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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