He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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