So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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