i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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