Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
