your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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