oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
