Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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