just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
