Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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