I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
