i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
