I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
