Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
