omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
