ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
