32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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