Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
