i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
