Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
