yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
