SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
